Ethiopia: Day 1

We arrived in Ethiopia about 48 hours ago. After making our way through the chaos of the airport, including getting a visa, passing through immigration and customs, we made it to our guest house, courtesy of our hired driver who I was convinced was really one of the bad guys from the movie Taken and was merely driving us so he could find a deserted gravel road on which to secretly kill us.

As soon as we arrived at the guest house, we had just enough time to glance at our rooms before we were ushered back out to go meet our sons. (We had been told that wouldn’t happen until day 2 of our visit.) I was glad to be ambushed by the news because I didn’t have time to get nervous and lose a 3rd night of sleep in a row.

We were all a little timid as we began exchanging hugs and kisses. Tears streamed down my face until I realized a camera crew was catching all of my ugly crying face on video. We sat on a couch with them for some photos while I pulled out some items I brought for them. Books, a puzzle and a few matchbox vehicles. You know I don’t have boys at home because I ignorantly pulled out the books first, thinking they would entertain them.

We got to spend about 2 hours together, so we were able to follow them through a normal mid-morning day, including their lesson during which Garrison (the oldest) showed off his new tiny truck and gave everyone detailed instructions on all of its parts. After another play session between the four of us, we followed them to lunch of injera (kind of a soggy pita with a bean/corn mixture slopped on it). Their mealtime ritual is to pray in unison in English. Garrison volunteered to lead them on this day. There were probably 30 kids in a tiny room with windows all along one wall. Each sat at his/her place at the table or in the circle on the floor. No one squirmed to get up or fussed that the food wasn’t up to his/her liking. Awesome.

One of their customs is this coffee ceremony where they roast the beans on a flame that they start with basically just rocks and a fan. A woman generously performed this when we arrived…to which I declined thinking it was just regular coffee. Big mistake. She looked at me as if I had just shot her dog, so the photographer stepped in and said he’d love it and Keith took the other. I immediately regretted my decision because it was amazing coffee. Thick like espresso and almost naturally sweet.

We took them outside because they were being typical boys, throwing balls in the living room. Ivan (the little one) had thrown his into the ceremonial coffee station. Another father saved the day by giving me a bottle of bubbles, and the boys acted as if it was their first time to ever see them. It was so much fun! We have a lot of firsts to experience with them when we all get home. I can’t wait!!!

There's a Reason for My Hysteria

I finally picked up my copy of Bringing up Boys last night. If I was frightened by the thought of raising a boy a few months ago, I am horrified of them after reading the first few chapters. Really, horrified? At least I’m stricken with panic over it.

Within the first pages, Dobson sites a quote from Plato: “Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.” What?!!! So, it’s not my job as a parent to manage (i.e. control) my kids? Dobson uses words like audacious, excitable and TORNADO to describe them. He also references “their tendency to risk life and limb for no good reason” and that they “tempt the laws of gravity and ignore the gentle voice of common sense.” Great. But Keith thinks it’s AWESOME and that this combo is the perfect recipe for motocross stars in the making.

As a dear friend often reminds me, boys are “fearfully and wonderfully made” just as they are.

Let’s pause my soon-to-be real-life horror story for a moment.

This weekend when a friend walked in my door, I was at the sink doing dishes while Avery was at her little table folding washcloths and hand towels, a chore she’s been perfecting for the last 3 years. (By the way, she’ll be 4 tomorrow, and I can’t decide whether I’ll do a little dance to officially declare the end of the Explosive 3’s or cry because she’s already taking the attitude and tone of a teenager with me.) She wasn’t just folding towels to keep her little hands busy, and I don’t have to refold them before putting them in a drawer. That’s not something I can always say of the towels Keith folds. I’m just kidding. He’s not allowed to fold towels. (He is allowed to do the dishes and clean the bathrooms though. And, he does a way better job than I ever do!)

This moment will soon be a distant memory, like a dream. Not only did I complete my chores whilst my child was awake, but she quietly did hers as well. I almost hear symphony music in the background as I reminisce. What a glorious moment that will likely not happen EVER AGAIN once the boys get here.

My world, as well as my house, will likely be turned upside down. It will go from an environment that is generally quiet and calm to one that is loud and destructive. I will not have enough hands nor room in a buggy to take them to the grocery store or Target. The toys in the playroom will no longer be perfectly separated into organized bins and boxes. Gasp!

So, why am I so looking forward to the day we bring them home?

Love makes you do crazy things.

That’s really all the explanation needed, but I’ll go on.

Do you remember when you first fell in love with your spouse…or your baby? Because it’s not always love at first sight …with either of them. Just looking at him/her gave your tummy butterflies. And, you could gaze at him/her endlessly. You felt this person could do no wrong…ever. Again: Love. And, at least in the beginning love is blind. God does this to us on purpose. If we had seen all the imperfections that are later revealed, we probably wouldn’t have fallen into it in the first place. But isn’t falling in love worth every blemish?

There will be days when I very much do not like what they do. And maybe even days when I think to myself that I dislike them too. But, oh, how I will love them.

I am head-over-heels in love with these two boys. My Boys.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14

Our Court Date & 1st Meeting

One month from today we will appear in an Ethiopian court to be declared the parents of our two sons. Woo hoo!!! Although we have considered them our sons since the day our agency called, making it official in court means we’re one step closer to bringing them home.

What's even more exciting than our court date is that we'll also get to meet the boys on this trip. I'm actually a little nervous about this one. We've sent them pictures of us, but who knows what they think so far. They'll likely remember this meeting, so there's a little bit of pressure.

Just before Christmas we purchased tickets for our first trip to Ethiopia. I’m not excited about traveling for more than an entire day, but flight time equals reading time, so I’ll more than survive. Unfortunately, the boys have to wait 4-6 weeks from that point to leave the country...and that means a second trip to Ethiopia for us (and more reading). So, I’m banking on having them home by the end of March. This makes me sad because their birthdays are in March, and I was really hoping they’d be here for them. But, I rest in the fact that this is God’s timing and not mine.

What you can pray for:

• Our court date.
• The orphanage workers who are taking care of them and counseling them on this big change.
• The attachment and bonding process we all will go through.
• My sanity in all of this. I might need anti-anxiety meds by the end. The napkin from last night that’s still on the ottoman might push me over the edge this morning. I need to relax and relinquish the control I pretend to have.

Giving Thanks + a Picture

On the morning of Thanksgiving, we received news that our documents have been submitted to court. Woo Hoo! Although I have no idea what exactly that means in the workings of the adoption process in the Ethiopian court system, I am still super excited. Mainly because we were also told that we will likely have a court date in February. Okay, now I can do it. Woo Hoo!!!

The tree is up. Finally. With one lonely ornament hung by Avery. She sweetly tucked it in the very back as if she were hiding an Easter egg. This is the first tree she has ever seen put up in our home. Sad, I know. And, as there wasn’t time for the actual decorating before bed, she insisted that we at least put the star on. So, Keith hoisted her up as she attempted to attach it. Of course, I yelled at him to put her down while I grabbed the camera. This is a first that must be recorded.

Sorry. Were you expecting a picture of the Boys? It really is against the rules.

The stockings are hung with care. Just 3 for now. The only hold-up on hanging the other 2 is that I'll have to purchase 2 additional stocking hangers at the full BEFORE-Christmas price. That’s just not how I generally operate. However, Avery is already saving seats for the boys at her table, and I'm sure she will protest. I'll go to Target today.

3 to 6 Months

Is the typical wait time from referral until we bring the boys home, as we’ve been told by our agency. We actually have to make 2 trips to Ethiopia. The first will be for our court date, when we are declared their parents, and the second will be to take physical custody and bring them home. If our wait time is “typical,” we should bring them home between January and April. We SHOULD get about 4 weeks notice of our court date.

Lots to do.

Step #1: The Boys’ Room. In progress. They’ll share a room with bunk beds (yay!), which we already found for a smokin’ deal on craigslist. We gave away the guest bedroom furniture this week, so we are ready to begin the make-over.

Step #2: Transportation. The Mom-mobile…aka minivan. This one is also in progress. Yes, Keith finally tapped out on the Excursion...I WIN!!! I will bid the Accord farewell this weekend. However, we haven’t even begun to shop for something to haul my brood around, so it looks like I’ll be hoisting Avery into Keith’s big rig until then.

Step #3: Names. This is the way the name game works around here. I come up with new names each day. And, Keith vetoes all of them. We’ve miraculously agreed on one name, but the other one could very well drive us to an attorney or therapy.

Step #4: Stock the Room. The plan is to collect used clothes and toys from a few of my gracious friends who also have sons. My goal is to have these items in place by Thanksgiving.

Step #5: Relax. I’d like to do as much reading as I can and take advantage of what could possibly be the last moments of alone time I have for the next few years. In general, we’ll be enjoying the easy life of having just one child. Also in the works is a great getaway for our 10-year anniversary in December...just the two of use for SIX DAYS! This could be the last "alone time" for another ten.

Ultrasound Results...

It's a BOY!!!

2 of 'em.

We received an email from the case manager at CWA just before noon on Monday asking us to call her to discuss pair of male siblings available for adoption. After we FINALLY figured out how to make a 3-way call, we received an email with medical files and pictures of our boys. Yep, I just said "OUR BOYS"!!! We have officially accepted the referral and are now in line for a court date, which will be the first of two trips to Ethiopia.

At this point, we are limited on the information we can share. But we can tell you Avery will now be the middle child. Her older brother is 4 and a half, and her younger brother is 2 and a half. And, they are the most BEAUTIFUL boys. The men (Keith, his dad, my dad) keep saying we have to stop using words like "pretty" and "beautiful" to describe them...but they are!

Within moments of seeing the pictures, both of our families noticed that our oldest actually looks like Keith. His mom pointed out the similarities in his eyelashes, smile and even the shape of his teeth. Then, my dad made the same comment when we called him. And the youngest is making those awkward but very cute toddler faces in many of the pictures. The best: he has a tiny afro. I love it!!! Based on the pictures and files, both boys are happy and healthy. Praise God!

Boys…Will Probably Be Boys

I went into the used bookstore a few days ago looking for general parenting/discipline books. I need help. Friends, feel free to give me advice…and consider this my official solicitation for it. At the bookstore, I found 3 titles that had actually been recommended or referenced in other readings. The first on my list: Bringing Up Boys by Dobson.

Our only child is indeed a girl, and we haven’t received news that would tell us we’re getting a boy. That news would come by way of a document called a “referral.” Basically the announcement that says, “It’s a Boy!” Or whatever. Included in this document would be all available information related to our children…physical stats, their given name, family info if known, circumstances involved in their abandonment and their lives since then, orphanage or foster care, etc. Oh, yes…and a picture!!!

Why did I buy a book on raising the male gender when I have no assurance I will ever get one? A few months ago I would have made the purchase based on Wishful Thinking. My recent purchase was based on knowing that the best thing God could do for me would be to give me a son. “Best” in the previous sentence refers to the change that would likely begin as insanity and hopefully lead toward sanctification.

I am nearly frightened enough by the thought of a son to pray: “Please, God, don’t send me a boy!” But, I’ve actually always wanted a son…and oh, how I hoped Avery would be him! I just couldn’t believe the technician when she assured me for the dozenth time that she was indeed a girl.

While I grew up with a sister, my childhood best friend had a younger brother. Jealous may be too strong a word for what I felt, but I was definitely envious. (Wait, I am pretty certain those are synonyms.) These siblings never seemed to fight over the petty things that drove us apart. The younger brother also thought the WORLD of his mother, and rightly so (she is AMAZING). I guess I’ve always assumed that if I had a son, he would think the same of me.

Why am I all of the sudden terrified of having a son? Besides the fact that I would have no clue what to do with him, I have recently had opportunities to spend “quality” time with some of my friends’ children. These boys didn’t do so much damage that they’re not welcome anytime. I have just seen some of what a boy is capable of.

I still LOVE these boys I know…and I still want one of my own. I just need to get prepared. Mentally prepared if nothing else. So, I’ve put Bringing Up Boys at the top of the continuously growing stack of books I will begin immediately upon receiving a referral. For now, I am just going to nervously glance at it, knowing what is likely in store for me. God knows what is “best” for me…and it just might be a boy, or TWO!!!